I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
