please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We just shotgunned beers for America
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you made out with another girl for some wings
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
