I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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