tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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