How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
