New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh god it's open bar.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
