I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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