she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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