i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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