I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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