she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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