If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
