You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
3pm strippers are depressing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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