Cold hands, warm shart.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
