And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
