I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
