I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
