I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
