i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
