idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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