i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
