you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
