no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so let's talk penis.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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