Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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