tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
