your parents love me but you hate me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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