I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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