Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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