Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
