Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
