I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
