So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
