So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
