I'm passing your future prison.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
