the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
