Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
