My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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