Me too!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
