this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
