Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
