omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
