so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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