the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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