I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
