I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
