the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
