Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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