just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
