is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
