very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
