i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
