Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Couch. On fire.
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